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What's Good Fam?

You good?
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  • what makes you happy?
  • is happiness truly attainable?
  • how could your life be sustainably improved?
  • have you experienced true loss?
  • I'm about to quit my job. Tbh i'm pretty nervous
  • I've thought about it a billion times but I don't have anything to fall back on or a desire to look for something better
  • It's such a colossally terrifying thing to change your life in such a drastic way. You spend a third of your life working so the other 2/3rds of your life aren't dogshit.

    like I don't enjoy my job, but I know I can tolerate it.
  • my granma passed away a few weeks ago. (i guess it's more now) She and I had a really good relationship. She was proud of me and i don't hear that often in my day to day or from my immediate family. in fact, I would say that she and I had a great relationship - but I only came to that thought in reflection.

    i had the slight understanding that time was getting closer for her to leave. sometimes she was slower on the phone or repetitive and tired. after halloween i sent her a letter with a picture of me telling her that i loved her; telling her "thank you" for being such a great woman to me and for believing in me. just thanking her in general.

    she went into a coma around thanksgiving and her body finally passed the week David Bowie died. when my aunt went through granma's wallet she discovered that ggrandma had removed everything except a picture of me when i was a baby and the letter i sent her.

    i really miss her. i really want to call her. she's my first emotional loss. i sent the letter because i thought if i could say tthose words i would feel ready with no regrets when she passed. but when she passed and as the days have past, i've thought more and more of things i wish i had asked - or that we could have talked more about the moments and memories we shared. there were times where it was just me and her. but now that she's gone - it's just me that remembers.
  • sex, money, and drugs
  • Yeah I don't have any grandparents left and it's a crushing reminder of mortality whenever I think about them. Sorry for your loss.
  • what's good - is that before she passed - she mailed me a small box of secrets. real secrets from a part of her life with strict instructions to tell no one in tthe family that it was given to me. the good part. the real life good part that makes melancholy important:

    when i open some of sealed sttuff - it smells like her. it's fading. of course. as it sits in my apartment. tthe small is becoming faint. but i've been taking care to smell it from time to time. as deeply as i can. it doesn't make me happy - but it's so good to remember. i enjoy it.
  • edited March 2016
    that's really sweet. I'm sorry to hear about your loss but it sounds like you had a really awesome relationship :) I never really knew any of my grandparents, but just knowing that such love spanning generations is possible is an amazing thing!

    it sounds like she was really proud of you and i hope that when things suck that you can still hold onto that warm feeling. you seem like a positive person so you don't need me to remind you but know when things get tough, you have a very supportive community in us here
  • edited March 2016
    l
  • @Kyle that is what was holding me back for a long time but I decided that I just have to go for it.. I don't have anything else lined up but in my life i'd rather make a few mistakes then wake up five years from now and hate my life. The truth is I will probably have to accept the "tolerating" is pretty good for a job one day, but for the time-being I'm young enough that I can be reckless and idealistic
  • Plus Nostalgia for Infinity finally dropped
  • edited March 2016
    @shooty that's tough man.. i've lost a friend that way before. i'm really really glad to hear they are doing better though, that's really amazing news. and yea college will be fucking awesome!! i have the feeling you're gonna have a blast in college.
  • edited March 2016
    l
  • But yeah very very hyped for college.
    Speaking of which, Congrats @bozo !!!
  • yea! everything's good. I'm working hard. Oh quitting your job:

    "When i was alive, i believed-as you do- that time was at least as real and solid as myself, and probably more so. I said 'one o'clock' as though i could see it, and 'Monday' as though I could find it on the map; and I let myself be hurried along from minute to minute, day to day, year to year, as though I were actually moving from one place to another. Like everyone else, I lived in a house bricked up with seconds and minutes, weekends and New year's Days, and I never went outside until I died, because there was no other door. Now I know that i could have walked through the walls." -The Skeleton above the Clock in The Last Unicorn

    Good Luck quitting your job!
  • I did it! It feels good. It feels like I actually have... autonomy over my own existence?!?
  • I lost one of my best friends, 8 years ago. He ended his life on Christmas eve. I miss him everyday and got his name tattooed on my chest. He was going through a really tough time mentally with depression and insomnia but none of us knew how bad it was. The only solace I can take from it is that he isn't suffering anymore.

    @toon, good work my man. I've quit jobs twice, both times to go travel. Don't regret a thing. Life is way too short! :)
  • Wait that comment looks so insensitive with Benneh's above it :|

    Just know I was only sending good vibes to the "What's good fam" thread
  • No worries, I feel your good vibes homie!
  • I think I've ruined my life. I'm running out of reasons to keep going.
    I'm on the verge of losing my job, my depression is getting worse and my girlfriend has left me because I put too much pressure on her and am a controlling and possessive cunt.
    I can't do it alone, I'm far too codependent but I have closed myself off from everyone but her and I just need everything to be sorted and I hate this.
  • I don't even know if I can say anything to help,

    I'd just say you should see someone, anyone, who you feel can support you and get you the help you need, whether it just be a person to talk to or something more.
  • that's tough dude. Don't really know what to tell you but I hope you pull through it.
  • I'll get there I hope. I just feel like I have nobody, like I've cut myself off from people and depended on her for so long, simultaneously losing contact with friends and putting far too much pressure on her.

    I am incredibly codependent, but it's that she's left me at the harshest time. She says she can't do it anymore, then says she'll have to see if I can get better. Like its a fucking test. If I knew the cure for what I was going through I would have gotten rid of it months ago. She said she'd never abandon me and that's exactly what she's done.

    I love her, I just feel like I'll have to push her away to focus on myself for awhile, surround myself with good people, and actively try and improve my life.
  • Try and get back in contact with your friends sam. Even if it means apologising for cutting them out. You need friends man. Especially at a time like this. I thought my life was over when my girlfriend left me i'd become so dependent on her for too long. But you need to become happy with yourself, and know it is okay to be on your own. This could be a good thing... it's worth trying to look at it like that.
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